All His life he had been highly intelligent and inquisitive. He questioned everything internally, from the color of the sky to religious dogma. He learned that the details were important early on, finding his way of dealing with massive amounts of information to create answers on his own.
His home life wasn’t that different than the average, though there was some anger between His parents. His ability to create His own answers from the details had the unfortunate side effect of creating His fears – love and marriage became entangled with anger and hostility. He developed the belief that love was without worth as it just lead to anger. Fortunately He would figure that one out later in life, but it colored his earlier years.
Through high school he was mostly normal, but His ability to analyze things put Him in a different sort of mindset than most of His small graduating class. He was neither a loaner and outcast, nor was He popular – He found himself a spot as close to the middle of the pack as He could. Even His grades, despite His mental capabilities, were dead average.
While He had no loves or long term girlfriends, He did have a female friend who as a friends with benefits situation – lots of benefits. They kept a special relationship for years, until she finally found someone to give her what she was seeking.
With a large sexual appetite and no outlet, He slowly became adept at meeting women. Love wasn’t an idea He was interested in these relationships though – just some companionship and sex.
His went through a few menial jobs during His college days, not really bonding with any of them. His third year in college He found His perfect job with an opportunity to see a large swath of the US, and left college without a degree. Around the same time, He found His first love.
A tall blond, they had become extremely good friends in His college days, attending some courses together. When He found His job, they would spend great amounts of time together or on the phone, always getting along well. She was an intelligent, attractive girl, and while he felt that attraction he left it alone – they were just friends.
She was also an unwed mother, and He often watched her daughter when she had an appointment, and soon began to understand the attraction people had to having kids – He thought her daughter was great!
Eventually there was a moment when it all changed. Setting on the couch together, His arm draped across Her shoulders, it occurred to Him that maybe this is what His life needed. They didn’t fight, there was no anger. He looked at Her again, seeing Her for the first timeÂ – and His heart suddenly felt and unfamiliar flutter in his chest. It was nearly a year before He told her how He felt, and was initially let down. She wasn’t interested. But they continued together as friends, both despite and because of His feelings. Eventually, she changed her mind.
The tried multiple times over the years, but it always returned to friendship.
He went through more loves, but His next important one ended up being the woman He married, and part of the source of the destruction in His life. A beautiful redhead (The Muse noted to herself that he was only interested in extremely good looking women, even the times it was “only sex”), they were married within six months of their courtship.
During the course of their marriage the company he worked for was shut down. He had been preparing for it though, having started an contracting company and programming video games on the side. When the company closed, He became His own boss.
Their marriage didn’t last long – only five years. He had become involved in someone else’s business, investing heavily in it, then eventually owning the business outright. He obsessed over making it work, to the point of ignoring His wife’s needs quite often. Just before the company folded, taking His house, car, and most of His possessions with it, she asked for a divorce.
He never blamed her – He could look back and see the mistakes He made in their marriage, just as He could look back and see the mistakes He made in the now dead business.
From a creative standpoint, which was The Muse’s area of expertise, He at one point had huge amounts of creative energy. Artistically, nearly everything interested Him – drawing, painting, writing, needle point, just about anything would draw His attention and He would embrace it. Eventually He had gotten into more technical-oriented creative processes like video game development, and at one point even owned and co-starred in a small TV show on video games that He produced and edited himself. His creativity routinely extended beyond his artistic pursuits, finding it’s way into business quite often. Now his creativity was gone.
He had lost everything in a span of months, and the heartbreak had been too much for Him. His life continued, but He was devoid of meaning now – He had given up and declared Himself a total failure.