And I hope when I get old I don’t sit around thinking about it
but I probably will
Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well time slips away
and leaves you with nothing mister but
boring stories of glory days
– Bruce Springstein, “Glory Days”
Over the years I’ve threatened to do this many times – to start cataloging the old stories of the insane or funny things that have happened in the last two decades or so (well, longer than that actually – some of the stories date back to High School). Some of the people involved in some of the stories are folks I haven’t seen in ages, or even folks that have already passed on ahead of us, like Richard Sandoval. Most of the stories will involve me in some respect – an observer, or a participant, or even the target of the story. And at least a few of them are slightly embarrassing – but I don’t mind, ’cause if I can’t laugh at myself how could I ever be allowed to laugh at others? 😉
This is going to be a long, ongoing project – there’s no particular end point in mind for them. More likely than not, the stories will be centered around the 1990’s – but it’s not restricted to that by any means. Some bits and pieces of my life have already made it into four books (only one in print at the moment – The Story of Gamer Zone), so I won’t cover that bit of territory again. While talking with my friend Cassie, I mentioned that, and the idea of getting some input from her – and she pointed out that some of them were getting pretty fuzzy. Well, my recollection of some of the stories are now reduced to little bits and pieces – if I think long and hard, I can recover the rest of the bits… part of the time. 😉 And that’s a good reason to preserve them – why let history simply slip away, when I’m a writer and fully capable of recording those memories in a more permanent fashion. And it’s sharable too, making a single memory of mine a shared memory.
Now, I called the section the “Good Old Days”, but I’m not much of a believer in the good old days, or the glory days concept. Our best days are never behind us – our best days are always in front of us, the next grand adventure that lies in wait around the next corner. We never run out of glory days – until the day we die, there’s always a chance for something new and exciting to experience, and possibly share. And, depending on your beliefs, there’s even adventures beyond life (though, good luck recording and sharing those.)
So, I’m going to start with two that are funny, with me as the target – the first one exemplifies why my friend Richard used to say “Davis IS Grace and Agility.” It’s also one of those I consider to be “legendary stories” – oh, not because I did something amazing. No, far from it. It’s because the damned story MUST be told by Cassie AT LEAST once a year!
Mysterious Circular Bruises, Part 1
Participants: Me, Cassie, and a yippie little dog named Molly
Cassie had a dog that loved to bark at me. Now, this MIGHT have been my fault – the first time I met the dog, it barked at me, and I barked back. Not uncommon for me to do to little yippy dogs. However, Molly took it to heart – if I so much as looked at that dog, it would bark it’s head off at me. This had been going on for months – enter house, dog barks at me, I bark at dog, dog barks at me nearly non-stop.
One day, the usual procedure was followed – but with a minor twist. Cassie had opened the back door of the house and stepped outside. I think I might have been in the backyard once or twice – not enough to really have the layout of the yard down. The dog rushed out side, spun around and barked at me from the outdoors.
I’d love to say this was a trap – that the dog had planned it. Unfortunately that would have given the dog too much credit for intelligence, and would give me a good reason for what happened next.
Looking down at the dog, I stepped outside and continued to bark at the dog as the dog retreated further into the yard – I wasn’t looking at where I was going.
I impacted this old fashioned close line – you know, the ones made out of serious steel pipe, set up as a T shape? I ran into the end of one, with my forehead. You know the sound that Warner Brother cartoons make when Daffy Duck impacts a steel object? No, not the “SPLAT!” noise, the other one – the one that goes “BWWOOooOOoOoOonnngggg…” Yeah, it made that noise.
Cassie turned around, and all she saw was me stumbling around, holding my forehead (and probably cursing.) I finally lowered my hand from forehead, and she completely lost it, laughing hysterically – I had a perfect circle in the middle of my forehead, about 3 inches in diameter.
And it bruised that way. For two weeks, I had this stupid circle on my forehead. Can you imagine having to explain that story? Fortunately, I didn’t have to tell the story to any of the folks who hung out together – Cassie was sure to tell them the whole story, complete with sound effects! And to this day, over two decades later, Cassie still tells this story for me. 🙂
Mysterious Circular Bruises, Part 2
Timeframe: Fuzzy – 1991 – 1994 range.
Participants: Me, and a very young child
Now, can you imagine having to explain having a mysterious circular bruise on your forehead a SECOND time?!
I’ll admit this is one of those stories where the details are starting to slip away. I THINK the child in the story is Erin – but I can’t be positive (unless Meredith can remember – if she doesn’t then it was probably Duncan, which would mean the mother involved was Jessica). And, honestly, it wouldn’t be nearly as funny if I hadn’t have already bruised my forehead with a ridiculous circle already once in my life.
There’s a type of child’s toy that’s designed to be stuck to things like a table or high chair – it’s got a big suction cup on the bottom of it, about three inches in diameter. (Things that are circular and three inches in diameter are no longer allowed near my forehead now, as a general rule. I can’t think of a reasonable exception to that rule, but I’m sure sometime in my life it’s going to happen again. *SIGH*) I love playing with kids – anything from babies to teenagers. They look at the world differently than adults do, and have a greater sense of fun. Plus, they generally think I’m a lot funnier than most adults do, so bonus.
So I have this kid toy – it’s a rattling noise maker that sticks to the table, and when the kid bats at it, it bobbles back and forth rattling. I’m playing with the kid, and apparently my brain short circuited. I stuck it to my forehead. It didn’t stick very well, so I pulled it off, licked it once so it would make a good seal, and slapped that sucker back on my forehead.
I’d shake my head, and it bobbled back and forth making it’s rattling noise, amusing both the child and myself. This went on for a few minutes, and I reached up and pulled it off of my forehead. It took quite a bit more force than I expected, and I knew I screwed up when I heard it go “POP!” when it came off of my forehead.
Yup, for two weeks I had a perfectly circular 3″ bruise on my forehead. Again.