OK, I’m starting to get a little cheezed at the universe at this point. Â Writing this, all I can do is look up, shake my head, and say “No, seriously, you’re really just fucking with me now, right?”
So… Kat and I did indeed go out on a date (actually, maybe two – not sure if going out for supper for Chinese and going back to my place counts as a date.) Â Very cool. Â But let me backtrack just a little bit…
After having Chinese, we continued chatting via txt on a pretty much daily basis. Â Some of the things I discovered is she’s observant and not afraid to pry a bit. Â No problems there – I tend to ask hard questions of people around me these days. Â She’s got an interesting combination of eloquence and bluntness while conversing – rather interesting.
The questions themselves were interesting too, from the standpoint the show a sort of fearlessness about her inquiries. Â “So, why haven’t you tried to kiss me?” was a simple one that I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone ask me before (of course, that might also have something to do with the fact I didn’t used to delay much when it came to sex 😉 Â And the answer was pretty simple really – I didn’t know where her and I stood, so I was giving things a chance to sort out a bit.
The next interesting question she asked was “And now the $64,000 question: how do you feel about me?”
I never did fully answer that, but I said if only given one word to express it, the word would be “torn” – not because I didn’t like her, it’s because now I’m actually faced with the prospect of dating someone (what? Yeah, sounds stupid – I want to have someone in my life. Â On the other hand, every time I run across a female of interest it all goes to shit. Â So I’m a bit gunshy) Â I turned the question around, and her answer was “Enamored”.
So, she asks me over for pizza and movies at her place on Saturday night. Â We watchÂ LabyrinthÂ – which ends up taking four hours for a just shy of two hour movie. Â We kept pausing it and chatting about various things, then going back to the movie.
She put her legs up on my lap, and I began massaging them… and ended up there until 6 AM. Â Not as interesting as it COULD have been – mentally, I had already drawn a “do no cross” line. Â Sex was out of the question. Â
On the other hand, well, we spent the time talking and touching. Â It was… well, amazing really. Â The more time I spent with her, the more I decided “yep, OK, dating her is not a bad thing at all!”
Now without getting graphic about anything, we didn’t have sex, and we didn’t have any heavy petty going on really. Â On the other hand, it was downright erotic. Â And I quickly learned saw was… hm, how to put this… sexually compatible with me in her attitude and reactions. Â Fucking awesome.
Sunday around noon I was a bit sleep deprived when she txted to see if she could borrow the washer, drier, and some WiFi access. Â So we went out to IHOP for very late breakfast, and then back to the house for her to wash clothes. Â We napped together, and then continued talking and touching.
At one point she asked me “So, why aren’t we having sex?” Â OK, at that point, my brain couldn’t generate an answer. Â I could remember there was a “do no cross” line in effect – but there’s no way I could remember WHY. Â It really boils down to a set of protocols I’ve put in place that have already served me well once (sex with Christine, for instance, would have been a hell of a mistake. Â As it is, I’m still getting calls from her.)Â
about 7 PM we parted ways – I had things I really should have been doing, and she had things to get done too. Â I txted her later to make sure she knew I had enjoyed my time with her, and she reciprocated.
One quick “oddity” – we were chatting, and she made sure I understood the line she had on public displays of affection. Â No biggie really, but it was an indicator that, well, she was considering the future of the situation.
When Monday rolls around and very quickly it seemed like something had changed. Â Chatting with her via txt, most answers are one word – none of the usual eloquence. Â But people have busy days, and I just let it be.
Except… it continued. Â Normally she started conversations, now I was starting them, and getting short responses. Â Aw hell. Â What did I do wrong?
Eventually, Friday rolls around, and it’s let’s see what I did wrong time. Â So I txted her (we’ve never actually talked on the phone – it’s always txting, which I don’t mind), and boiled it down to “After having gotten to know each other better, how do you feel about me now?”
“You are a fantastic human being. I don’t know if I can handle a relationship at this juncture.”
Well, fuck you universe. Â Toss a female at me, give me time to get to know her, even get so far as to go out on a date or two, then the situation gets fucked up as usual. Â
So, that’s the end of that one. Â Fuck.
I guess the upside is having a romantic frustration means I was able to start writing on Muse again 🙂