OK, I’m starting to get a little cheezed at the universe at this point. Writing this, all I can do is look up, shake my head, and say “No, seriously, you’re really just fucking with me now, right?”
So… Kat and I did indeed go out on a date (actually, maybe two – not sure if going out for supper for Chinese and going back to my place counts as a date.) Very cool. But let me backtrack just a little bit…
After having Chinese, we continued chatting via txt on a pretty much daily basis. Some of the things I discovered is she’s observant and not afraid to pry a bit. No problems there – I tend to ask hard questions of people around me these days. She’s got an interesting combination of eloquence and bluntness while conversing – rather interesting.
The questions themselves were interesting too, from the standpoint the show a sort of fearlessness about her inquiries. “So, why haven’t you tried to kiss me?” was a simple one that I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone ask me before (of course, that might also have something to do with the fact I didn’t used to delay much when it came to sex 😉 And the answer was pretty simple really – I didn’t know where her and I stood, so I was giving things a chance to sort out a bit.
The next interesting question she asked was “And now the $64,000 question: how do you feel about me?”
I never did fully answer that, but I said if only given one word to express it, the word would be “torn” – not because I didn’t like her, it’s because now I’m actually faced with the prospect of dating someone (what? Yeah, sounds stupid – I want to have someone in my life. On the other hand, every time I run across a female of interest it all goes to shit. So I’m a bit gunshy) I turned the question around, and her answer was “Enamored”.
So, she asks me over for pizza and movies at her place on Saturday night. We watch Labyrinth – which ends up taking four hours for a just shy of two hour movie. We kept pausing it and chatting about various things, then going back to the movie.
She put her legs up on my lap, and I began massaging them… and ended up there until 6 AM. Not as interesting as it COULD have been – mentally, I had already drawn a “do no cross” line. Sex was out of the question.
On the other hand, well, we spent the time talking and touching. It was… well, amazing really. The more time I spent with her, the more I decided “yep, OK, dating her is not a bad thing at all!”
Now without getting graphic about anything, we didn’t have sex, and we didn’t have any heavy petty going on really. On the other hand, it was downright erotic. And I quickly learned saw was… hm, how to put this… sexually compatible with me in her attitude and reactions. Fucking awesome.
Sunday around noon I was a bit sleep deprived when she txted to see if she could borrow the washer, drier, and some WiFi access. So we went out to IHOP for very late breakfast, and then back to the house for her to wash clothes. We napped together, and then continued talking and touching.
At one point she asked me “So, why aren’t we having sex?” OK, at that point, my brain couldn’t generate an answer. I could remember there was a “do no cross” line in effect – but there’s no way I could remember WHY. It really boils down to a set of protocols I’ve put in place that have already served me well once (sex with Christine, for instance, would have been a hell of a mistake. As it is, I’m still getting calls from her.)
about 7 PM we parted ways – I had things I really should have been doing, and she had things to get done too. I txted her later to make sure she knew I had enjoyed my time with her, and she reciprocated.
One quick “oddity” – we were chatting, and she made sure I understood the line she had on public displays of affection. No biggie really, but it was an indicator that, well, she was considering the future of the situation.
When Monday rolls around and very quickly it seemed like something had changed. Chatting with her via txt, most answers are one word – none of the usual eloquence. But people have busy days, and I just let it be.
Except… it continued. Normally she started conversations, now I was starting them, and getting short responses. Aw hell. What did I do wrong?
Eventually, Friday rolls around, and it’s let’s see what I did wrong time. So I txted her (we’ve never actually talked on the phone – it’s always txting, which I don’t mind), and boiled it down to “After having gotten to know each other better, how do you feel about me now?”
“You are a fantastic human being. I don’t know if I can handle a relationship at this juncture.”
Well, fuck you universe. Toss a female at me, give me time to get to know her, even get so far as to go out on a date or two, then the situation gets fucked up as usual.
So, that’s the end of that one. Fuck.
I guess the upside is having a romantic frustration means I was able to start writing on Muse again 🙂