Something wicked this way comes…
OK, that’s a bit overly ominous 😉 There is something up though. Something is about to change. I THINK it’s company (Midnight Ryder Technologies) related. If you don’t believe in the concept of a 6th sense, don’t read any further.
Last time I had this “jumpy as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs” feeling I was in Colorado, and I was standing on the back porch of the Oliver household having a cigarette. Pop stepped out, and said a couple o’ words, then noticed somethin’ was amiss with me, and asked about it. At the time, I couldn’t idenitfy the source of it. And we started chatting. Basically, that’s the point at which Pop and I actually started talking to each other, instead of me seein’ a very large dark ghost float past me. While I understand that Larry O. was fairly busy during the times that I visited before that, I was fairly certain there was more to the issue than just bein’ busy. *SHRUG* And, it didn’t matter either way – I respect the right for anyone to not want to be my friend or get to know me. I’m not perfect, and not everyone likes me – I’ve had a few people think I was an egotistical bastard in my time (And, hey – I’m not sayin’ they are wrong either. It’s hard to be me and NOT have a big ego 😉 Anyway, as normal, that change turned out fairly well. I’ve got someone else in this world now that I consider a friend (Though, quite honestly, that tends to surprise me somewhat to say that – I mean, I still don’t know Pop very well. Normally I tend to get to know someone very well before I consider them to be a friend. Oh well – given the oddness of the situation, I’ll not question it, and just go on.)
Anyway, it wasn’t until after the fact that I analyzed that feeling, and remembered exactly what that over energized, mega-powered feeling is. Somethin’ is changing. The process has started somewhere already. And being the pessimistic optimist I am, I know that no matter what it is, be it fire and brimstone fallin’ from the sky, in the end I’ll profit from it one way or another. (“Pessimistic Optimist?”, you ask? I believe at any given moment, the Universe can shit all over ya, and bury you in over your head. I also believe you can not only rise above it, which is just persiverence really, but go further and turn it into a situation that you learn from and eventually prosper from.)
Of course, I don’t believe our lives are spent on rails, following destiny’s call. Which means I need to open my eyes and senses very wide, and get ready to grab the ball and run with it, whatever it happens to be. Now if I just knew what was commin…
Oh well… I’ll leave this with a song lyric, something that I’ve always liked that just popped up on WinAMP. Queen’s “It’s a Kind of Magic” If taken out of context (it’s from Highlander) it’s a very interesting and cool song. (In context, well, it’s just the end of a movie 😉
One dream, One soul,
One prize, one goal,
One golden glance of what should be.
One shaft of light that shows the way –
No mortal man can win this day.
It’s a kind of magic
The bell that rings in side you mind,
is challenging the doors of time
It’s a kind of magic
The wait it seems, eternity
A day will dawn of sanity
Is this a kind of magic?
It’s a kind of magic
That can be all we want?
This rage that lasts a thousand years
Will soon be done
This flame that burns inside of me,
I’m here in secret harmony
It’s a kind of magic
The bell that rings inside your mind
Is challenging the doors of time.
It’s a kind of magic
This race that lasts a thousand of years
Will soon be done.
A kind of magic
That can be all we want
This rage that lasts a thousand years
Will soon be done…
It’s a kind of magic…
I like to share song lyrics that I find interesting from time to time. Usually, it only gets sent to female friends and girlfriends. Most guys don’t seem appreciate the concept of being emailed the lyrics to a song 😉 I share ’em for multiple reasons – sometimes to pass a feeling of love (like the copy of “Time In a Bottle” that I wrote and framed for Heather, or somewhat the copy of America’s “Sister Goldenhair” that I sent to Meredith), or to try and pass the feeling that comes with the song for me to someone else (which is only done if it’s something uplifting and interesting. You’ll rarely see soemthing depressing from me.) I’ll probably start dumping lyrics into my diary entries from time to time – partially for everyone else, and partially so I can look back and recapture the ‘mood’ from that moment. I view music as the only form of magic that doesn’t follow the normal rules of conservation of energy (IE, the energy that goes into music is much less that the energy derived from the music later by listeners, and while the feeling diminishes after a while, hearing the same song many years later (or even weeks) can evoke the same energy.) And yes, I view music as magic in the truely metaphysical sense – in fact, I think it’s the largest physical expression of magic in existence. But that requires a lot of explenation, and I’m not givin’ that explenation today. Got stuff to get done, and Lady Destiny may be ariving sometime soon, and I need to be ready to greet her and explain how I want things to happen. (Hey, I don’t even let Lady Destiny boss ME around! 😉
2002-03-19 12:18 pm UTC (from 22.214.171.124) (link) Select
we have been having the same feeling here…but things have continued to go well…
and the highlander is Pop’s favorite movie of all time..including the music at the end of course!!ha
in fact things are so jumpy that Pop has signed up to talk to a counsleor….he does not talk much about it all…(he thinks it is about work and stress)..but he wants to get to the bottom of his symptoms….
rashes..hard to sleep…nerves..sounds….exhaustion…mystery pains….bleeding
( all have been checked by a doctor already)
the initial meeting with Pop and anyone is usually strange…he does not like to be judged or put in a position where he has to fake a smile , handshake etc…
but most women recognize immediatley that he is one big loveable teddy bear…..not really scary
he does not feel that he ever did or ever will fit into this society…but he can fake it well enough…but some time that slips……
(and it did not help that chris had said something to him right before you arrived about how you “know how to handle parents”)
I do nto really believe chris met any harm..but he set his dad’s mind on alert…..which puts him in that non-trusting dark ghost mode…
plus he really does just float around here like that on a normal day….
we get to talk to him at length first thing in the morning….
but that was a really rare occurence to sit and talk out back while you were here…it was great….
(he has yet to do that with my own parents!! ha)
but thought you might want the input that it is being felt out here too…and has been since last fall….
for us the turning ppoints of the year start in september and can last a long time…..
this time it has been 6 months……..maybe it is just wearing him down.
but the dark cloud we had over us is leaving and hitting relatives and friends now….so be careful out there!!!
Part 1 of 2….
2002-03-19 01:31 pm UTC (from 126.96.36.199, via 188.8.131.52) (link) Select
OK, I’m gonna count myself real lucky. There’s two types of ‘change in the air’ type feelings I get. One I know is a long term type deal – I’ve had that feeling for a bit now, and have had it numerous times. But it’s less tangable, and can be swept asside fairly easily. Sometimes it’s a positive feeling, and sometimes it’s fairly foreboding. But it lasts long enough, and well… there’s enough road signs that I can see which way it’s commin’ from and might even get a glimpse of it in the distance. I don’t share what I see with others most of the time – for multiple reasons from disbelief to my beliefs about looking into the future in the first place. (I rather to see things unfold on thier own. Heabo and I have had multiple discussions about the subject 😉
(Note: I attribute that to my mother. She was sometimes telepathic, and had tendancies towards gettin’ little glimpses from the future. Her most notable, and sometimes embarassing, ability was to know when a lady was pregnant. I’ve got multiple stories about that one…)
But I also believe that it’s 10% metaphysical, 90% mental – the former gives ya a ‘hint’ and you process that hint over and over in your mind until it starts to fit what else ya see goin’ on around you, etc.
Anyway – actual point being, even when it’s foreboding, it doesn’t interfere with anything, and definitely doesn’t have and physiological side-effects. Thus why I say I count myself lucky 🙂 (Bleedin’? Eeks!)
The second (what’s going on now) is highly distracting, and usually leads to extreme exhaustion. It’s not a ‘leading up to’ type thing either – it just happens, boom. It’s there. And then, it’s done. I may not be aware of what happened for sure until later on (but I can usually pinpoint it fairly well once it’s happened, but that could just as easily be making the data fit the situation, who knows 😉
As for Chris’s comment… well, it’s true. I always did have a way with parents. They usually ended up trusting me fairly easily, some even liking me alot. But the trick is one that well, umm… should seem rather obvious. I walked in with some confidence, treated them with respect (unlike some stories I’ve heard from the same parents before), and talked to them. Yep, set and talked with them. It’s not like I lied to them (ok, well, there was a time or two like where we were headed, and there’s SOME things I wouldn’t tell them, of course 😉 or had a particularly nasty trick I used. It’s just that (I think) they felt that thier daughters were goin’ out with someone who was respectful, and a reasonably nice guy. (Little did they know, MMMUUHAHAHAHAH! 😉 But – I still have to beat Chris over this 😉
Part 2 of 2….
2002-03-19 01:32 pm UTC (from 184.108.40.206, via 220.127.116.11) (link) Select
However, I walked into the situation in Loveland with a LOT less confidence than normal. Unlike the usual where the parents were something to be contended with (or, sometimes they ended up being friends of mine like George and Cathy Gray), this was a BIG DEAL. These were Heabo’s family. I was nervious as hell. I wasn’t sure what to do, where to stand, anything. While it’s pretty normal for me to go into observation mode to see how things worked in a social situation, I couldn’t even manage to do that really. My bag o’ tricks for social situations (and I’ve definitely got enought to fill a bag or two – but that’s a different conversation entirely.) apparently got left in Kansas on accedent, and here I was left to deal with these people who I considered to be important. It was very strange for a while. Why were these people so important? Well, the natural order of things had been broken – I started seeing Heabo, really liked her, etc., and THEN had to meet the parents. Back when I was dating, Meet The Parents happened early on, and there was little pressure in the situation. Meeting you guys was totally different. I don’t think I was comfortable with the situation really until the second time I visited.
Of course, the fact that two separate groups have that ‘something is up’ feelin’ makes ya wonder if there isn’t some sorta complex interconnection. Who knows. Of course, there are no conicidences – just unrelated events 😉
As for the dark cloud – well, every cloud has a silver lining, right? 😉 (Of course, I can’t say that and not think of a line from the Moody Blues – “Every silver lining has a touch of gray” 😉
I don’t like having to fake a smile or handshake, and I’m gettin’ less and less to like it as I get older. But there are times that I walk into a social situation and put on a different face. Hell, I own multiple that I use frequently – there’s Davis, and then there’s J. R. Sometimes they are very different people (though I’ve noticed the tendancy over the last year that, well, J. R. is slowly fading into Davis. Hard to explain – it’s not like some multiple personality thing, it’s just that the way I handle my life and the way I handle business at CEI are slowly becoming closer and closer to each other.) I don’t nessisarily like doin’ all that, but, it’s one of those things I live with – I’m in business, and I’m gonna meet people I don’t like but have to tolerate with a smile on my face. But I don’t do it with friends and family for a good reason – the business people I deal with eventually go away. Friends and family (hopefully 😉 don’t. So if ya act fake with ’em, what’s the point? Ya gotta continue to act that way, and it’s too bloody much effort 🙂
ANYWAY – thanks for the info. Yes, knowing that someone else might be feelin’ similar change in the wind could be important, ya never know 🙂
(Jesus I gotta quit workin’ and entering stuff into this at the same time. I can write some LONG ass posts because of it – while I stop to contemplate a change or a task, I’ll write in this pane for a bit, then swap back. Problem is, it never really feels like I wrote much until after I review it!!)
This was posted in two parts for a reason – I just discovered there’s a limit to the comment size. Sheesh. I think I must talk to much!